She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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