May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize