Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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