He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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