I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
