I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
