I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
