I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
