Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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