Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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