he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
