After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
