woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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