I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
