Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
