Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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