as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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