I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
