We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
