We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My ATM looks so different sober.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
