I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
