you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When are your genitals available?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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