he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
