At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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