Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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