you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
