it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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