I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
