you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
