Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
