I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found puke in my bra..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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