If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
