Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
