Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
