i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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