Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
