she was so not down for the gang bang
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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