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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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