His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
