It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize