i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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