i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
