Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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