so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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