I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
