i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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