happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
