Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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