First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
