He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
