It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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