Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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