Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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