God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
