yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Such a big mess for such a small penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
