Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
