my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you never un-have a 4some
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
