Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The power of my boobs compel you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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