i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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