The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My first STD was from a foam party
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
