Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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