sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
