i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do herpes really smell.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
