her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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