according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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