he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
