ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
