When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
