i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize
