Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
