I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
should my penis look like a turkey
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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