WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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