I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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