I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
