i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
