so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
