I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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