i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
