Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
