I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
