Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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