Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
