6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
