I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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