I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
